Skater Boy

So I guess the fact that my first kiss was done on a dare was not that unusual but the fact that I was so repulsed during it all well that might come as a bit shocking. His name shall remain nameless, considering the fact I don't want to embarass myself. It was 6th grade, and we were all gathered around playing a game of truth or dare, I was sweating bricks A, because my sister would be picking me up any moment and B, because I really did not want to be picked. So of course someone dares me to kiss this underated, unknown peer of mine reluctant at first because he was that much of a loser I was known to never back down so I did it! With both A and B coming to bite me in the ass my sister saw, and I hated every minute of it. Thinking to myself on the ride home as I listened to her threaten to tell mom, I realized kissing did not live up to the hype, and the fact that I was trying "fit in" with the weirdos (who at the time were the only ones being remotely sexually active) did not make it worth it either. So after the rumors flew of how Ashley kissed the weirdo, and the permanent flashbacks remained in my brain for years, even up to this day. I vowed to never kiss again. Another reason I know my ability to formulate a promising relationship is damaged. Usually kissing plays a big part in two people who are attracted to eachother. It's sensual and meaningful, (so I have heard.) I would not know because I avoid it at all cost.... why you ask maybe I feel I will be in a vulnerable state WHO KNOWS!!! Its pretty sad that I can have sex with someone and turn my face away the whole time and not think anything of it, and the saddest thing is I have been doing it since I lost my virginity. When asked why I am like that I respond by saying I am not the "affectionate type" and I know to kiss that guy goodbye "theoretically speaking" of course!! It seems that anyone who has really liked me has not felt it in return and bounces... maybe thats why I came up with the "hit it and quit it theory" or as these new era kids call it "toot it and boot it".... Either way I have found that I have been damaged goods since day one, and its time to be restored.

From here on out I will consider myself an one of a kind oil painting that has a smudge!!
but with careful hands and a little work can be fixed... or so we shall see.